Normal Parenting?

I am not a normal parent.  

I wish I could live in the bubble I used to live in, where I would grow old with my husband, and watch my 3 sons all grow up and have lives here with us. No, I am not in that bubble anymore. I now know that dream never happened. It was the dream of a very young woman, who did not know any better. Instead, the actual events that young woman would have to endure; the death of her husbands and especially, her child; would have her dive into the deepest part of the universe to find him.

Rosary
Circle of Life
I am told I wrote this script before I arrived here. I have learned a great deal, since the bubble burst. I have learned there is no death and I have learned I must love everyone no matter what. I must love Marianne and be kind to her. I had to throw away this world, this bubble I was in, everything I ever learned in churches and schools and from society at large.   

Childhood, girlhood
Circle of Life
I had to relearn and reset my own perception of everything, and attempt to live in a state of spirit, not body, and newly perceive everything around me as temporary. 

I had to find out what was permanent and I learned the only thing permanent is Love, the kind that has no conditions placed on it. I had to embrace compassion, and apply that FIRST to Marianne, to be compassionate with HER, not to judge her or throw regrets at her.

Rosary bracelet
Circle of Life
I have come a long way since that innocent girl and I will continue to put one foot in front of the other. In the meantime,  to my sons who are still in this ‘place’, I am still damaged goods, always will be, and that’s okay. So if you see me frantic, or falling apart, or losing my bearings…just let me be. Don’t judge me or wish for a woman who has her shit together. I am living on fumes sometimes, and if I am not like other parents, just accept that I am not in the bubble anymore , an illusion I once had of certainty.

 Realize I still struggle to get through each day. I cannot put on a mask and pretend all the time anymore. I won’t deny myself the right to cry on occasion, or have meltdowns. I am doing the best I can with what is available to me now. As long as I am trying, be kind, and allow me to heal as I go. 

Thank you.

Marianne Brown

Photos: Mary Zabora

no fault of her own

So one day a baby is born, no fault of her own. Her parents are poor and can’t afford enough food, so the child becomes sick. But they have no health insurance, so she becomes sicker. The air has grown smoggy, the masks don’t help. Her innate abilities, physical and intellectual, begin to shrink.

So a toddler grows to be a little boy. His parents abuse drugs, so they can’t properly care for him. Nobody cares. There are no pre-school programs available, not for poor boys. He falls through the cracks until 1st grade, when he’s already six. 


So a child goes to school. There’s not enough food at home and her parents can’t afford school lunch, so she goes hungry. The child can’t concentrate and is labeled “difficult”. Nobody cares, her parents are too busy just surviving and her teachers, ignorant. Public schools are under-funded and failing.

So a little boy starts to grow big. There are no after school programs, so he wanders the streets and gets involved with drugs. There are no drug programs, so he gets addicted. Nobody cares. His life is over.

So a little girl begins to bloom, but she still has a child’s mind. She plays happily until one day, when Evil smells innocence and destroys her. There is no one to protect her, nobody to talk to. She spins out of control.

So one day a boy and girl meet…

This poem is dedicated to all the brave citizens who are standing up for human, animal and environmental rights. Mary Zabora “So this future will never be.”

Pure American Joy

We went to an outdoor concert recently. It was with the Irish band, #Dublin5 and they were awesome. I absolutely love the music, but the people watching is also incredible. Especially the kids, because they’re so free and joyful.

This is my favorite photo of a little girl dancing for her parents. Her Father took her up front to dance with the crowd a couple of times while Mom sat with baby brother, but she couldn’t stop dancing! So cute.