Cologuard, because I don’t want anything stuck in my butt.

I don’t know about you and to each his own and all that shit, but personally, I avoid things stuck into my rectum at all costs. After I turned 50 though, my doctor said that I should schedule a colonoscopy, which I haven’t done yet, and I’m almost 52. Here’s why-

The risk factors for Colo-rectal cancer:

Factors that may increase your risk of colon cancer include:

Older age. …

African-American race. …

A personal history of colorectal cancer or polyps. …

Inflammatory intestinal conditions. …

Inherited syndromes that increase colon cancer risk. …

Family history of colon cancer. …

Low-fiber, high-fat diet. …

A sedentary lifestyle

Uncomfortable subject alert, so here’s a pretty flower to look at.

I don’t fit any of those, except maybe older age. So though I normally follow my doctor’s orders to a Capital T,  I waited. Because I’d seen a commercial for this crazy thing called Cologuard, though my doctor hadn’t heard of it yet. By the time I got another check up, he and my insurance company were in agreement that Cologuard is my best option to start. With the understanding, of course, that if this shows anything abnormal, the next step will be a colonoscopy.

Anywho, I’d like to take you on a journey and yes, it’s a poop journey, so I’ll try to be as sensitive as possible for the faint of medical stuff.

#1 Get! My doctor ordered the test and it was delivered to my house via UPS.

Box o’ poop test 

Follow  the instructions carefully!!!

Take your finished “sample” to a UPS store or call to schedule a pick-up. This is TIME SENSITIVE, so you must get it to UPS ASAP! Also, DO NOT do it on a Friday (as I did) because the weekend messes the whole thing up and you’ll have to do it again, as I did.


I haven’t gotten the results back yet, but hope this helps me avoid the whole colonoscopy ordeal for now. And remember this, take care of yourself, because nobody else will. 

UPDATE: Later that day!, my doctor’s office called and said everything is negative!!! That’s a good negative. Very relieved.

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