I’ve been reading a lot of special needs parenting blogs lately. They are wonderful and brilliant and say so many things I wish I had thought to say. Except one.
I don’t thank God for handing me this burden so that I can prove my faith is strong or because he knows that I, above other parents, can handle this better.
This life sucks. It sucks that I’m still changing diapers going on 16 years. It sucks that I’m still feeding him like a 9 month old. It sucks that he’s never said “Mama” or “I love you”. It sucks going to doctor’s appointments and/or therapy weekly. It sucks having to transfer him from his wheelchair to the car and being afraid of dropping him. It sucks seeing him suffer with seizures. It sucks being afraid he might die before me and being afraid that he might not.
I could go on and on, but I won’t. Because in a “typical” god-centered blog this is where I’d write of all the blessings this has brought to my life. There are no blessings; here there is pain and suffering, fear and dread, disappointment and sadness. And every day the struggle begins anew.