Little garden of Hope

There’s a little garden out back,
It holds so many delights.
There are shrubs and trees,
Of course.
A couple of small statues too. One is a woman, older and with her hair in a bun. She is sitting cross legged with several birds in her lap. Another of a frog, who is sitting on a log. He holds a mug and is reading a book.

Special needs
Garden 🐸 : Winston

There’s water bubbling over river rocks, which sounds like music if you listen carefully. And a wind chime which sounds magical every time a strong breeze blows through.
This garden stays shady, cool and breezy even on the hottest of days. And it’s so quiet here, with the sound of the water, and birds tweeting.

There are several places to sit. Lots of benches, and tables to eat at or set your coffee on. And a beautiful garden gate that makes me feel like I’m entering a secret space. There are rocks, small and huge. One medium sized rock, sitting up by a brick wall, looks like a tiny monolith.

And flowers, lots of flowers growing wild throughout the space. They are so pretty and calming. Purple, pink, white and yellow. And everywhere, green.

This garden is attached to a lovely little chapel. It has stained glass and deep, soft carpet. It’s dark, cool and peaceful. A small organ graces the space. There are several faiths represented, Christian, Jewish, Muslim and others that reflect the diverse population here. You see…

Special needs
Anne Arundel Medical Center

This lovely chapel is attached to a hospital. And on the third floor of this hospital lies my son, surrounded by equipment, in ICU. No flowers are allowed inside here. Or balloons. Lines and tubes enter him, to help him breathe, for easy access to blood and to deliver food and medicine. It started with pneumonia and just went downhill from there.

His name is Chance and he is a very special boy. He’s still a boy, a baby really, even at 18 years old. His favorite doll lies by his side, waiting for him to wake up.

the Adventures of Chance and dolly.

He’s quite handsome, gentle, patient, usually happy. There are a lot of people who love him, my mother and sisters, his teachers, my husband and other children. We’ve been here for over three weeks and he’s fighting for his life, as are I and all of his nurses and doctors. He doesn’t have a father, never has. It’s just been he and I together for over 18 years. My husband helps a great deal, as well as our daughter and my oldest son. We hope, we cry, we laugh, we pray.

At the end, I sit by myself in the little hospital garden and cry. Oh, my Chance!


The Adventures of Chance and Dolly

I’m thinking about starting a new Pinterest page. It would follow my son, Chance, who is 18. Dolly is his loyal sidekick, and a doll. Yes, my 18 year old son still plays with a doll.

Introducing Dolly

Chance is a beautiful boy with special needs. He has cerebral palsy and epilepsy. You can read more about him in this post.

Chance as a little guy.

Dolly is a whole different story. My mother got this doll for my daughter for Christmas one year. My daughter never played with dolls. Weird but true. Dolly has velcro on her head because she came with several wigs, which have gotten lost over time. I’ve never actually worn a wig, have you? Anyway, Chance inherited dolly and she hangs out on his bed so they can sleep together every night. Chance likes to rub her hands and feet, as you can see in the photo above.

If you’re bitchy and you know it clap your hands

Mother’s Day 2018, what can I say, except clap, clap and more clap. Now there were some great moments. I got some nice gifts from my children and husband. We also went out to dinner with my Mother and one of my sisters, who’s birthday it was also. We went to a restaurant in Annapolis called Fado, which is an Irish place. I’d never been there before, mostly because of the parking situation, which is difficult, as it is in most cities. We ended up parking on the (metered) street. My sister and mother parked in different garages. So add the cost and hassle of parking when you go here. But it was worth it because all the people who worked there were so nice and the food and atmosphere were excellent. I’m a bit of a(n) afficiando of Irish Coffees and theirs were gooood!

Family at Fado

The bitchy, clap, clap time was when I was changing my 18 year olds diaper and

The Secret

I have a secret.
It’s another blog.
It’s private for now, until my daughter gives permission to publish it. You see, she came into our bedroom and made an announcement that actually turned my body numb. It was such a shock that you could have knocked me over with a feather. I thought I’d heard it all, until this.
I’ve told a few friends and my family but I shouldn’t have even done that. Kids are big on privacy these days, understandable with the social media age we’re in and that they’ve grown up with.

Cutie pie
My girl

It’s been stressful for myself and my husband. Regardless, she knows that we love her and will stand beside her no matter what. Life can be confusing and she still has a lot of growing up to do.

Annapolis Saint Patrick’s parade 2018

We had a great time at the 6th annual Annapolis St. Patrick’s parade. It’s not the biggest parade I’ve ever seen and it’s not the smallest (my favorite, the Galesville,MD 4th of July parade). I guess it’s a medium parade, which is great. We got lucky and found parking for $10 at a lot only only half a block from Market House, where we met my friend Marc.

Here are some floats:

Here’s some people:

Here’s some bagpipers:

Here are lots of dogs, Annapolis is a big dog town. Businesses downtown put out bowls of water for them.

Even a shark eating a leprechaun!

It was lots of fun

And he cried

It’s hard to know, with a non-verbal child. Sometimes I think I see a flicker of surprise or acknowledgement in his eye (he only uses one), but just sometimes. Being with him full time is a strange existence, it’s almost like I’m alone. I don’t know if he knows I’m his Mom. I don’t know what he’s thinking or even at what level he understands. I like to think he’s at the level of a 9 month old. Why? Because living like this would drive a normal intellect insane. I still change his diapers, for goodness sake. I hand feed him. He drinks a bottle. He’s 17. He has many seizures. He’s so big now, it’s turned very physical and I have fibromyalgia And I’m in my 50’s, an old lady by young people standards.

He has the longest eyelashes

His biological father is a drug addict and in prison at the moment, my husband has been his father. But as Chance gets older and needs to be shaved and has acne and grows more distant, my husband grows further away. Chance even has a moustache! He looks so much like his bio dad, who my husband saw once in court. It’s strange for everyone.

He usually seems pretty happy. He smiles every once in a while, but he’s a teenager and not always a happy camper. He hardly, if ever, crys anymore. During his first year, that’s all he did, so maybe he wore it all out. So he’s changed, because as a boy, he smiled all the time. I called him handsome Chansome. 

Italian fest
He’s wearing my hat

He goes to school, which he seems to like, also he likes riding the school bus. This is all speculation on my part. He seems the same. I worry, am I assigning him my own personality and voice as we do with pets? He’s a human being. A doctor said that to my Mom once, because she thought he was too much for me and isn’t close to him. She likes the girls best.

He rides a horse every week, a therapy called hippotherapy. He sits on the horse with a person on either side and a person leading the horse and an occupational therapist behind or working with him. He seems to like it or I like it for him, I don’t know. Believe it or not, insurance doesn’t pay for this, so I have to ask a charity for money, which lasts a few months. There is a LOT of paperwork involved with having a handicapped child. Doctors forms, social security, documents for court and child support, money to do a therapy that isn’t “approved” by the insurance industry. It’s a travesty. It’s called HippoTHERAPY and he works with an occupational therapist, who would be payed if we were inside!

Little Chance at Hippotherapy

But then I think about the terrible and wonderful day that he was thrown from a horse! Yes, terrible: I usually follow them around, but they were out in a field, I wasn’t allowed there. In the office, the walkie talkie crackled and said “rider down, rider down in the field” and people started running. I knew it was Chance, he was the only one out there. I ran, it seemed so far. And he was just laying there. I ran toward his head to stabilize his neck. I looked at him, upside down, he opened his eyes and looked into my eyes and started crying! He waited for me, to cry! I am special to him! We got an ambulance and he was checked out at the hospital and he was fine! A miracle. He has osteoporotic bones and has already had a fractured hip that required surgery and a full body cast for eight weeks. It was a nightmare, especially for Chance. He was thrown from a huge horse and had no injuries. Did he float down? No. Did someone catch him? No. The wonderful.


And he cried.